Did calling me stupid make you feel smart?
Did calling me ugly make you feel handsome?
Did calling me useless make you feel more useful?
Did calling me weak make you feel strong?
Did making me feel worthless create feelings of self-worth for you?
Did hurting me ease the pain you felt inside?
Did making me feel like less of a person make you feel like more of a person?
ALL of the years you spent trying to make me believe I was someone to be despised. That I was weak, stupid, worthless, unlovable….and I believed you, sometimes I still do to this day. You said that no one would ever love me and that no one could ever want me in their life because of who I was. My problem lay in that I believed YOUR version of who I was when in fact I am not that person.
I will never be able to look myself in the mirror and say that I am beautiful, that simply won't happen. But I know that I am a good person with a good heart and I am surrounded by wonderful people in my life who love me, believe in me and accept me just for who I am…. something you said I would never have. Makes me wonder as to the kind of people you have in your life right now?
You may have broken me, you may have hurt me physically, emotionally and mentally but they are all things that can be fixed. I may still be broken in many ways but when I’m done, I will be better, stronger than ever before. Because for every day, every week, every month that you kept me locked away, hidden and scared and bruised....I will live another day, another week, another month, happy, content, safe and thriving.
It's taken me a long time to be able to forgive you but I do and do you know why? Because of you, I am the person I am today. I found the strength to survive what you did to me and that same strength is what is getting me through right now.